It’s Page Nine…with East Side Dave
(95.9 The Rat’s parody of sleezy celebrity gossip websites)
Goodness gracious, dear readers! Did someone turn up the heat or is that just Megan Fox?!
The sultry star of Transformers turned heads and caused cameras to explode with a most desirable dress!
Megan arrived at the MTV VMA’s red carpet with her boyfriend Machine Gun Kelly…and became the only thing from the floundering awards show to trend on Twitter!
My, oh my! It’s September, Megan! It’s gonna get chilly out there! Maybe you should have a scarf?
Look, Megan! Even Machine Gun Kelly seems concerned that you’re gonna catch a cold! Maybe you could borrow his shiny red jacket!
And now Machine Gun Kelly appears to be trying to warm Megan up in this brisk weather by applying his hands on her in order to transfer body warmth! This could all be prevented with a nice warm jacket, Megan! And maybe some mittens!
Hey, Machine Gun Kelly! Watch the hands! This doesn’t look like body heat transfer any more, fella! Furthermore, I just found some great deals on wind-breakers online! Maybe tell your girlfriend to message me so I can get her one!
Listen, the dress is nice, Megan! We’re just looking out for your health! You’re gorgeous and all…but the Autumn cold season is nothing to mess with!!
Hey, you guys ever hear of P.D.A. being socially frowned upon?! Get a room! And, hey, Machine Gun Kellly…..get the hands up, pal!!
Seriously someone get Megan a hoodie or at least a scarf…the AC is probably blasting in that building and the poor thing is gonna catch a cold!
Seriously this Machine Gun Kelly fella is beginning to ruin the pics for me. Why so, forlorn-looking, Machine Gun?! You’re not some tortured artist so stop posing like one!
Um….is Megan glaring at me in this pic? Uh-oh!
…..You seem to be glaring at me, Megan! If I did anything to offend, I apologize! Or maybe I’ve just gone crazy and am talking to a photograph on my computer screen! Ahhhh!
This has been another edition of Page Nine! And remember, dear readers, to keep it on the QT…and very hush-hush!
– East Side Dave