It’s Page Nine…with East Side Dave
(95.9 The Rat’s parody of sleezy celebrity websites)
Wake up, dear readers! Dr. Gossip (East Side Dave) is here to give you earth-shattering and extremely important information! I hope you’re sitting down!
America’s Favorite Couple…Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez…may be breaking up! The word is that they will be separating imminently!
Ahhhh! This is one of the worst pieces of news since the great Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt split of 2019! People are sobbing in the streets! My own mother is, quote, “disappointed that they couldn’t work things out.”
And even more controversial…we’re hearing that J-Lo is now cozying up to Lenny Kravitz! Whaaaaaa???
Come on, A-Rod! You’re still in the game! You’ve got one pitch left…swing for the fences and save this relationship with Jennifer! As Yogi Berra and Lenny say: “It ain’t over ’till it’s over!”
This has been another edition of Page Nine! And remember to keep it on the QT…and very hush-hush!
– East Side Dave