Passive-Aggressive Phrases You May Be Guilty Of Using
Passive-aggressive behavior happens often in our daily lives with friends, family, and people we work with. It can be tricky to spot, so you might not realize when someone is being passive-aggressive towards you or when you’re doing it yourself. To help figure it out, Huff Post talked to psychologists and relationship experts to make a list of the most common passive-aggressive phrases you might be using.
What exactly is passive-aggressive behavior?
According to Psychology Today, passive aggression is a way of spreading negative feelings, such as anger or annoyance, indirectly instead of directly. Passive-aggressive behaviors are often difficult to identify and can sabotage relationships at home and work. Huff Post said it’s “particularly in a way that is easily deniable or not directly linked to the aggressor.”
When I think about passive-aggressive phrases, I remember times when people said things that seemed nice on the surface but actually meant something else. Like when someone said, “That’s an interesting choice,” about my project, but I felt like they didn’t really like it. Or when a friend said, “Sure, do whatever you want,” but I could tell they were upset with my decision.
When I lived in East Tennessee, I often heard the phrase “Bless your heart.” It might sound kind, but it can actually be passive-aggressive. For example, if someone says, “You’re wearing that outfit again? Well, bless your heart,” they might actually be implying that they don’t like the outfit but are saying it in a way that sounds polite.
These kinds of comments can be confusing because they don’t say what people really feel, making it hard to understand their true thoughts and feelings.
Most common passive-aggressive phrases you might be using.
The outlet kicked off its list with the phrase “Good for you.” It’s worth mentioning that this phrase can be used to express sincere happiness for another person, but it can often be used in a passive-aggressive way. One expert pointed out that there can be envy or resentment below the surface of this phrase. And that it is often used in situations of unfairness.
You may have experienced the next phrase on their list, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” An expert mentioned that this may initially sound like a genuine apology because the words “I’m sorry” are being used. But when you add in the words “you feel that way,” it becomes a passive-aggressive way of putting the blame on the other person’s feelings, rather than taking responsibility for the hurt you’ve caused. “You are saying, ‘I stand by what I said and I’m sorry you’re having this reaction to it, but that’s your problem,’” said the expert.
Another common passive-aggressive move, according to the outlet, is claiming “everything’s fine” when you’re actually upset about something. “You may be hoping that someone takes action to address the fact that you’re not actually fine, but you refuse to ask for the support or attention,” one expert mentioned.
Other phrases on the list include “Whatever,” “If you say so,” and “You’re just too sensitive.” Take a look at the complete list here.
