The Cold Hard Truth From The Rat’s Refrigerator…
You can call me Hal.
When I first found out I was purchased by 95.9 The Rat, I was pumped! I thought, man what a great gig. I get to hang out in the Rat kitchen with all the DJs while they get their morning coffee. Oh, you need a little milk? Here I am! Gotts would keep is beloved Miller Lites ice cold inside me until he got off work at 10am. Oh, there’s Betty Rocker herself, Rockin’ Robyn Lane putting one of her famous homemade cakes in me to keep chill. I’d probably have to have an entire shelf dedicated to Jimmy Steal’s hot sauces, and maybe another for Carl Craft’s BBQ creations! I thought, maybe they’ll even let me be on the radio!!!
Well being the Rat’s official fridge for the past 3 years, let me tell ya pal, ain’t so hot.
Sure, I get to hear all the office scuttlebutt, what new music is coming out, what bands just announced they are coming to play Jersey, what Eastside Dave is planning on smokin’ this afternoon. Yeah that’s all the stuff you would expect as an office refrigerator. However, there are a couple of things I wasn’t expecting to be… A garbage dump and a science project! You heard me pal, and I have the photos to prove it!!!
These people are P-I-G-S!
Open cans, 3 month old fruit, pizza from 2021, a half peeled orange that looks like the ass of a cat, and the yogurt? EXPIRED, EXPIRED, EXPIRED! Well I have had enough! Now the world will see how cold and dark my insides really are. They ask if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Well if a fridge is alone all day with a 20lb frozen turkey from Thanksgiving 2 months ago in his freezer, does he not cry? I ask you! The answer is found in my frozen tears.
There’s no one to save me now.
They open and shut me, pretending not to see the black banana. Oh I’m sure one of them is gonna just slurp down that Christmas eggnog any day now. Meanwhile my frustration, and mold grow. Why couldn’t I just have been a dishwasher like my brother George? Sigh….
Editor’s note: Be on the lookout for more blogs from Hal, and perhaps other radio station appliances in the near future.
