Carl Craft

Weekdays 6am - 10am

NORTHWICH, UNITED KINGDOM - MARCH 19: Senior citizens shop at Sainsbury's Supermarket on March 19, 2020 in Northwich, United Kingdom. A queue of approximately 600 old age pensioners formed before the market opened at 7am as the shop opened specially for the elderly. After spates of "panic buying" cleared supermarket shelves of items like toilet paper and cleaning products, stores across the UK have introduced limits on purchases during the COVID-19 pandemic. Some have also created special time slots for the elderly and other shoppers vulnerable to the new coronavirus. (Photo by Christopher Furlong/Getty Images)

There’s a website that will tell you.

Ok, hoarders.  Listen up.  And listen up good.  Hear me right now.

You don’t need all that freaking toilet paper.

A new website has appeared that can tell you how long your tp stash will last under quarantine.

And guess what:  It’s much longer than you think.

It’s “how much toilet paper dot com”.

You plug in the number of rolls you have in storage.  And how often your home poops.  Then the magic of science and math kicks in and they’ll tell you how long you can go without having to buy any more.

40 rolls of tp, going 6 times a day (yeah, that’s a lot of pooping).  That stash will last 107 days.

So, enough with the toilet paper hoarding.

Leave a roll or two for the next person because as we’ve discussed:  the ability to poop indoors is what separates us from the animals.

Carl Craft is studying here on earth for a short time with varying amounts of success. He's heard every morning on The Morning Rat Race. Sometimes he goes, "sock / shoe, sock / shoe" which we think is a sign of some kind of psychosis...